I’ve lived 19,368 days. I’ve been married 9,684 days. I was single for 9,684 days. Exactly half my life single and half my life married.
I’m calling it Crossover Day. Maybe it’ll become a thing.
It’s hard to believe as I can hardly remember my single days. I can’ t imagine life without Nana. She’s the greatest gift to me here on planet earth.
She’s seen me at my very worst yet always loves, cares, believes, forgives, and respects me. Her faith in me and love for me have transformed my life. She strengthens me. She is the person with the greatest influence in my life. I trust her heart and perspective completely.
A few life lessons that I’ve learned from 9,684 days of married life.
1) Second most important decision that you’ll ever make.
Most important you’ll ever make is how you’ll answer Jesus simple call to “Follow Me.”
If you get married, the second most important decision you’ll make in your life is who you marry. Nothing will bring you greater joy and happiness. Nothing will bring you greater pain and heartache. You can endure a lot of challenges circumstantially if you’re walking closely with your life partner.
You can have every material possession and marital pain will overshadow it all.
If you marry well, you’ll have someone there to pick you up.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. (Eccl. 4:9-10)
Not that being married is better than being single. The apostle Paul said the opposite. But let me just say: choose wisely. Listen to those around you who love. Know that God has someone amazing for you. Don’t settle.
Like spirits attract. Don’t focus on finding the right person, focus on becoming the right person. The right person will show up. You’ll know it as well as everyone around you.
2) Believe the best.
Marriage can be tough some days. There are misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Walls go up.
At that moment, you have a choice. There’s a voice in your head that will be accusing your spouse. “She doesn’t really love you.” Or “he’s a selfish, hurtful jerk.”
You can either believe the negative accusing voice or choose to believe the best. Don’t take it personally, because most of the time it isn't. Something bigger is going on. He/she really does love you.
Side step the personal arrows that are being thrown. Be the first to forgive. Be the first to take responsibility and ask for forgiveness.
Do it quickly. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. It lodges in your heart and turns into bitterness. It colors everything you hear and experience the next day. It’s a lot easier dealing with it sooner than later. Keep no record of wrongs.
3) Be proactive.
The best defense is a good offense. Sow good things into your relationship when all is good. A little bit done each day adds up to a lot over time.
When it comes time to make a withdrawal from your relational account, you’ve got a lot of trust stored up. You’ve got a lot of positive interactions.
How do you sow good things into your marriage? Learn the love language of your spouse and speak their language (not yours). If you haven’t learned Gary Chapman’s five love languages, then put that on your list. Learn them pronto. Learn what fills your spouse’s heart and speak his/her primary two love languages. It will change your marriage.
4) Love and Respect.
Only thing more important than the five love languages is love and respect. Emerson Eggerichs wrote my absolute favorite marriage book entitled Love and Respect.
The big idea comes out of Ephesians chapter 5. A woman’s greatest need is love. A man’s greatest need is respect. It’s not right or wrong. It’s just different.
Truly understanding how this plays out in your marriage is massive.
Almost every one of your fights can be traced back to this concept. I promise. Get it and your marriage will be transformed. I’ve seen it happen over and over and over.
5) Never Give Up.
Keep fighting for your relationship. Keep forgiving. Keep getting back up. Keep believing the best. Of course, I’d qualify these statements in cases of abuse. But I’m speaking faith and encouragement to the vast majority of marriages.
Never give up on the marriage you want. Don’t settle for mediocre. Things can get better. You can grow. Your marriage can get stronger and better.
It’s worth it. The best is yet to come. I’m looking forward to the next 9,684 days with Nana.
