It’s been eight days since I got the news that I have cancer in my neck (C6 vertebra). Never have I cried more. Never have I received such overwhelming support and love. Never have I felt closer to God. Never have I felt such a strong fight rise in my heart.
When everything gets shaken by one doctor’s appointment, you start looking for something to grab onto. You know you could slip into some dark places. If you drift, it’ll go bad. You have to fight. What do I believe deeply? What do I know that I know? What I can stand on?
Here are five things that have been my strength over the last week. Five ways I will fight.
I will not be afraid.
I will not fear cancer or death. If you open the door to fear, it will flood in. Perfect love casts out fear. To the best of my knowledge, I am not afraid and by God’s grace I will not fear!
I will not ask “why?” or “why me?”
I will not let my head go to self-pity. God has been so good to me. God doesn’t own me anything. I’ve had 52 years of amazing health. I am guessing I have had one or two sick days in 17 years at Grace Church. How could I begin to whine and complain to God?
I will not put my life on hold.
I realized that there was a temptation for me to wait for this to pass. As if my life would begin again after this was over. If I can’t enjoy God and life today, then I won’t tomorrow. This is the day that the Lord has made. God has purpose for each and every day. I don’t know what faces me. I may be knocked down. I’ll have some tough days, but I’m going to walk in purpose each day. I won’t let a dark cloud hover over my head during this season.
I will get stronger and better.
I’ve seen people suffer, and they get kinder, more humble, more sincere, less self-centered, more connected to what matters most, and more authentic. I want that! The day I was I told I had cancer, Nana said, “In one moment, every thing that matters becomes crystal clear.” That so helped me get stronger and better. You hug a little longer. You sit on the deck and talk a big longer. You do what matters most. You let go of the rest.
I will get closer to God.
I can’t imagine facing cancer without family, friends, encouragement, and most importantly God’s presence. God gives a peace which doesn’t make sense given the circumstances. You have peace in the middle of the storm, because you know who is in charge. Right now, every worship song is so powerful to me. The words of the Bible come to life in a fresh way. I’m leaning in and leaning on God like I never have before. My strength to fight comes from God.
I think we can determine to fight with these five things all the time. Adversity forces it, but you can decide to fight any time. Paul tells us to fight the good fight of faith. Go fight for it!