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Brief explanation of my neurological foot/calf problems. The video demonstrates how poorly my right foot can move. A custom AFO made at UNC hospital has been a HUGE help.
UPDATE: Biopsy of growth is scheduled for Friday, Nov. 25. (It’ll be 1-2 weeks to get results).
I had an appointment with the spine neurosurgeon yesterday (10/21/19). He was in surgery from 7:30 a.m. until 4:30 p.m. God bless the medical professionals that sacrifice for us.
Nana and I had an hour with an amazing P.A. She answered every question. Went through the all the imaging: MRI, PET scan and CT. We had an hour with her. About to wrap up and in walked neurosurgeon. He spent another 45 minutes with us. You got that right. The appointment was an hour and 45 minutes long.
Short version: It was very helpful, very encouraging, and sobering.
Next step is to get the biopsy of the actual growth. Still to be scheduled. It’s in a “high value real estate location” as it was said today. Two boards are reviewing it. Everything takes more time than I’d like. But like I said to the surgeon today, “Glad you were late and took your time. When I’m on the table… take your time. Don’t go rushing off to your next appointment.” Same goes for the biopsy.
As well as pathology. He said, it’ll take 5-7 business days. Just get ready to wait to two weeks to get the results of the biopsy. His point: we have to absolutely get the biopsy right so we make the correct next step. They’ll send off the tissue to have it analyzed at other labs to confirm their findings. Slow process. Glad they are committed to getting things right.
So the journey of faith and healing continues. Wish I had a precise diagnosis. Wish we had a plan. But I know in whose hands I am.
"Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him”
- Psalm 37:5,7a
My goal back to health is crystal clear: I will run again.
Goals are important to self-improvement. If you don’t know what you’re shooting for, you’ll never make significant progress in any direction. A clear measurable goal motivates you on the down days. A goal helps you say “no” to something less so you can get something better.
My goal: I want to run again. I NEED to golf and hunt again. A little humor there. But not much. That’s really what keeps going after over a year of daily pain and doing PT exercises only to find out I have cancer.
I have had no strength to stand up on my toes since the second week of July. My balance is off, because I can’t catch myself when I start falling forward. My immune system is attacking the myelin sheath around my nerves. Not only can I not run, I can even walk well.
I see myself running the country roads near my house. I will keep working, praying, and believing until I run again. That’s motivating!
Here’s how you really upgrade and make progress on your goals. Ask God: what are your goals for me? God’s vision for your life is His goal for you. You get a clear picture of God’s preferred future for you. Then you get God’s help to accomplish God’s plan.
It may be something big, or it may be something small.
I believe it’s God’s plan for me to run again. What is God’s goal for you? Go for it!
This summer, Nana asked me a question out of the blue, “What’s one thing I could do to improve our marriage?” That’s like getting one wish from a genie bottle. I don’t even remember what I said. I just remember thinking “oh no, I should probably ask her the same thing.” I summoned the courage to ask the same question.
I think Nana knew I needed a soft pitch. Give him an easy win. She said, “You could leave the espresso machine on for me in the morning.” Seriously? That’s it? I can do that. I got this.
So the first morning, I did. Left it on. Second morning, I thought I know she takes her espresso shot with collagen protein. I put two scoops in and left her coffee cup out ready to go. Third morning, with a spoon in it.
Then I had an idea. Nana had been enjoying positive declarations from a book. I prayed and thought about what Bible verse may be encouraging for her. What words may strengthen her heart? For the last two months or so, Nana’s comes out in the morning to espresso machine on, favorite mug out with collagen, spoon, and Bible verse with encouraging words.
Honesty, these Bible verses may be more meaningful to me. During the past month of testing and then finding this malignant mass, it’s been a huge strength to me. Declaring God’s truth. Standing on His Word. Trusting in what is sure and unchanging.
Jesus said, “Give us this day our daily bread.” We really do need daily spiritual bread. Your internal spiritual strength comes from storing a little bit of God’s Word into your heart every day. However, whenever, wherever works best for you. Be determined to be spiritually strong.
On Monday (10/14/19) I had my PET scan at the Duke Cancer Center. It got real walking into a cancer center and then seeing the radioactive signs all over the doors of the PET scan hallway. I got hooked up to an IV. The nurse brought in the radioactive material in a super thick metal container that looked like it was out of sci-fi movie. Okay, that’s going inside me.
I waited for an hour for it to spread through my body. You lay on a table with arms over your head, and they slide you into CT machine.
Pro tip: you can ask for music. No headphones here like the MRI. It’s Pandora radio piped into the room. The tech asked what music I’d like. I said, “Christian worship music. How about Hillsong?” She mentioned that the music wouldn’t start until after the PET scan got started. She disappeared into another room and looked through a glass window.
I was at peace. But I also knew A LOT was riding on this PET scan. There’s cancer in my neck in the C6 vertebra. Is it elsewhere? Statistically, very likely. This PET scan was going to tell a lot. I was definitely feeling the weight of it.
The table starts sliding me into the machine and here we go… Lord, I’m in Your hands. Soon the music started. Just a few notes into the song I realized two things. One, the volume was up WAY HIGH (and everyone is behind the glass in the other room). Secondly, one of my very favorite songs was being played, “Cornerstone” by Hillsong. It was a God moment. Of all the songs. Even of all the Hillsong songs.
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But holly trust is Jesus' name
Christ alone, Cornerstone
Weak made strong in the Savior's love
Through the storm
He is Lord
Lord of all
The tech had told me not to move, but she didn’t mention anything about tears streaming down your eyes. Which is exactly what happened when the song got to “Weak made strong in the Savior’s love, Through the storm, He is Lord, Lord of all.”
Here I am worshipping Jesus with all my heart in the middle of the cancer center to one of my favorite songs. Actually, the volume was perfect. God sees me. He’s with me through the storm . He’s Lord. He’s got this.
For me, it was the victory before the victory. Not knowing the results, but knowing that my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood.
How about you? What storm are you going through? Where can you have the victory before the victory?
It’s been eight days since I got the news that I have cancer in my neck (C6 vertebra). Never have I cried more. Never have I received such overwhelming support and love. Never have I felt closer to God. Never have I felt such a strong fight rise in my heart.
When everything gets shaken by one doctor’s appointment, you start looking for something to grab onto. You know you could slip into some dark places. If you drift, it’ll go bad. You have to fight. What do I believe deeply? What do I know that I know? What I can stand on?
Here are five things that have been my strength over the last week. Five ways I will fight.
I will not be afraid.
I will not fear cancer or death. If you open the door to fear, it will flood in. Perfect love casts out fear. To the best of my knowledge, I am not afraid and by God’s grace I will not fear!
I will not ask “why?” or “why me?”
I will not let my head go to self-pity. God has been so good to me. God doesn’t own me anything. I’ve had 52 years of amazing health. I am guessing I have had one or two sick days in 17 years at Grace Church. How could I begin to whine and complain to God?
I will not put my life on hold.
I realized that there was a temptation for me to wait for this to pass. As if my life would begin again after this was over. If I can’t enjoy God and life today, then I won’t tomorrow. This is the day that the Lord has made. God has purpose for each and every day. I don’t know what faces me. I may be knocked down. I’ll have some tough days, but I’m going to walk in purpose each day. I won’t let a dark cloud hover over my head during this season.
I will get stronger and better.
I’ve seen people suffer, and they get kinder, more humble, more sincere, less self-centered, more connected to what matters most, and more authentic. I want that! The day I was I told I had cancer, Nana said, “In one moment, every thing that matters becomes crystal clear.” That so helped me get stronger and better. You hug a little longer. You sit on the deck and talk a big longer. You do what matters most. You let go of the rest.
I will get closer to God.
I can’t imagine facing cancer without family, friends, encouragement, and most importantly God’s presence. God gives a peace which doesn’t make sense given the circumstances. You have peace in the middle of the storm, because you know who is in charge. Right now, every worship song is so powerful to me. The words of the Bible come to life in a fresh way. I’m leaning in and leaning on God like I never have before. My strength to fight comes from God.
I think we can determine to fight with these five things all the time. Adversity forces it, but you can decide to fight any time. Paul tells us to fight the good fight of faith. Go fight for it!
Good news: we found the enemy. The PET scan yesterday showed that the growth in the C6 vertebra is isolated! This is very unusual. The neurologist said that she’s NEVER seen a situation like mine before. Most of the time a growth in the neck is secondary, and the primary problem is elsewhere. We’ll take the big win. Thank you, Jesus!
Next up: getting an biopsy of that actual mass. That is a full-on lights out surgery where they guide the needle by MRI to carefully remove what they need. Then we’ll get a treatment plan.
Here is the update from Grace Church on Sunday, Oct. 13. I love my spiritual family.
Heading into the Duke Cancer Center for a PET Scan. Appreciate the love and support. This will be defining for what we are facing. Bigger mountain. Bigger miracle.
An early morning text from a friend. “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever”John 14:16
The journey to healing begins. First post to give you some background on my medical situation.
Read moreCopyright 2019 Kendrick Vinar
